DALILI 5 ZINA ASHIRIA WEWE NI MTU MSIKIVU SANA

 

Dalili 5 Zina ashiria Wewe ni Mtu Msikivu Sana

1. Unakuwa rahisi kuzidiwa.

Watangulizi wanashiriki ubora huu nawe. Umati mkubwa wa watu, haswa wachafu, huwa wanakuchosha haraka sana. Ni rahisi kwako kuzidiwa.

2. Unafurahia kuwa peke yako.

Wakati huo pekee mara nyingi hutumiwa kuchaji wengine, sio tu kuwaepuka watu. Kwa sababu wewe ni HSP haimaanishi kuwa hupendi kuwa karibu na watu. Ni muhimu kutambua wakati unahitaji muda peke yako na kujifurahisha mwenyewe.

3. Watu wanafikiri wewe ni dhaifu.

Tunaishi katika utamaduni wa macho, haijalishi mtu yeyote anajaribu kukuambia nini. Ni ngumu kuelezea upande wako nyeti, haswa ikiwa wewe ni mwanaume. Sensitivity, kama matokeo, inaonyesha nguvu, sio udhaifu. Unapaswa kuwa jasiri kusimama na kujieleza hivyo. Sio udhaifu.

4. Wewe ni bodi ya sauti ya kila mtu.

Kila mtu anaonekana kuja kwako na matatizo yake kwa sababu wewe ni msikilizaji wa ajabu. Hii inachukua ushuru kwa mtu yeyote, haswa HSP. Kumbuka kuchukua muda wa kuchaji tena na, mbaya zaidi inakuja kuwa mbaya zaidi, sema hapana wakati mwingine!

5. Jeuri inakukera.

Huwezi kuvumilia, iwe ni katika maisha halisi au katika aina fulani ya vyombo vya habari, kama vile filamu au michezo ya video. Kuona vurugu kunakusumbua kwa msingi wako ikiwa wewe ni HSP. Ambayo ina maana unapoizingatia. Sisi si wajeuri kwa asili. Watu wanarudi kutoka vitani na PTSD kwa sababu sio kawaida kuishi kwa njia hiyo.

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PSYCHOLOGY: SAIKOLOJIA DALILI 7 KUWA MKEO ANAHITAJI UMSIKILIZE

PSYCHOLOGY: SAIKOLOJIA DALILI  7 KUWA MKEO ANAHITAJI UMSIKILIZE

Wakati fulani kitu pekee ambacho mwanamke anakihitaji ni mtu wa kumsikiliza. Njia maridhawa ya kumsaidia mkeo katika

matatizo yake, kwanza ni kumsikiliza na kumakinika kwa anachosema kisha utoe maoni yako juu ya suluhisho la tatizo husika iwapo ataomba ufanye hivyo.

Iwapo hutambui ujumbe ambao mkeo anajaribu kuutuma, basi Famasia ya Ndoa Maridhawa inakuletea ishara saba za wazi zinazoonesha kuwa mkeo anahitaji sana umsikilize:

1. ANAPOONESHA TABASAMU AMBALO SIO HALISI:
Mwanamke anayeweza kutabasamu hali ya kuwa hajisikii vizuri, basi huyo ni mwanamke madhubuti, lakini bado anahitaji faraja yako. Mkumbatie na umuombe afunguke.

2. IWAPO SIKU NZIMA ALIKUWA PEKE YAKE NA WATOTO
Anahitaji kupata mazungumzo ya mtu mzima. Kama ni mama wa nyumbani, bila shaka atakachokuwa akikisikia kwa siku nzima ni makelele ya watoto, vilio vyao na sauti za vipindi vya katuni. Unaporudi nyumbani muulize kuhusu siku yake ilivyokuwa ili kumpa mazungumzo ya kiutu-uzima ambayo alikuwa na shauku nayo kwa kutwa nzima.

3. ANAPOKUWA KIMYA KULIKO KAWAIDA
Anapokuwa na ukimya usiokuwa wa kawaida, anaweza kuwa na hasira au msongo. Mkumbatie na umuulize kinachoendelea akilini mwake.

4. ANAPOSEMA KWA HASIRA "SAWA"
Iwapo uko kwenye ndoa kwa muda mrefu au unazifahamu silika za wanawake, anaposema "sawa" yaweza kumaanisha "sio sawa". Yumkini tatizo lisionekane, lakini huhitaji kuchimbua kutafuta mzizi wa tatizo. Muulize tu mambo gani hayako sawa na namna unavyoweza kusaidia kuyaweka sawa. Atapenda sana kuona kuwa unajali sana hisia zake.

5. ANAPOKUWA KATIKA MOOD NZURI
Anataka umsikilize anapokuwa na furaha kwa kiwango kilekile anachotaka umsikilize anapokuwa na huzuni. Muulize kuhusu siku yake ilivyokuwa. Yumkini anatamani kukupa habari njema.

6. ANAPOCHOSHWA NA MAJUKUMU YA KUTWA NZIMA
Tengeneza utayari wa kumsikiliza pindi anapokuwa na siku iliyojaa majukumu kayaya. Mkumbushe namna unavyothamini yote anayoyafanya kwa ajili yako na familia yenu pia. Hatua hii maridhawa itamthibitishia kuwa yote anayoyafanya yanaonekana na kumpa hamasa ya kuendelea kufanya mambo mazuri na kujituma zaidi.

7. ANAPOJIANDAA KULALA
Tengenezeni mazingira na utaratibu wa kuzungumza kabla ya kulala. Mweleze namna siku yako ilivyokuwa na usikilize upande wake pia. Muda huu wa ukuruba huwaleta pamoja kihisia, na atafurahia kutumia dakika hizo za mwisho kuzungumza nawe.

Kaka yangu, zichunguze ishara zinazoonesha kuwa mke anahitaji umsikilize. Anahitaji uwe pembeni yake anapokuwa na msongo au anapokuwa na furaha. Aidha, kwa upande wako pia, kama unataka mkeo akusikilize, mwambie. Ndoa yenye afya huimarika zaidi pindi wanandoa wanapokuwa na uwazi, ukweli na wakawa tayari kusikiliza.

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STORY BEHIND YOUR DATE OF BIRTH !!!! Interesting !!

Take some time to read, its worth reading , Please share after reading......

STORY BEHIND YOUR DATE OF BIRTH !!!! Interesting !!

Hey this is really true and see it will work for you too

If U were born on the 1st, 10th, 19th, 28th of any month U r number 1....

If U were born on the 2nd, 11th, 20th, 29th of any month then U r number 2...

If U were born on the 3rd, 12th, 21st, 30th of any month then U r number 3...

If U were born on the 4th, 13th, 22nd, 31st of any month then U r number 4...

If U were born on the 5th, 14th, 23rd of any month then U r number 5...

If U were born on the 6th, 15th, 24th of any month then U r number 6...

If U were born on the 7th, 16th, 25th of any month then U r number 7...

If U were born on the 8th,17th,26th of any month then U r number 8...

If U were born on the 9th,18th,27th of any month then U r number 9...

NUMBER 1

You are smart, straight talking, funny, stubborn, hardworking, honest,Jealous on competing basis, kind hearted, angry, friendly, authorities,Famous

person...always want to be and regarded as first on people position, they are often like to be independent, will never be under others, self confident

people!

You are most likely to fall in love in the younger age, but will get marry when you mature! You are likely to have problems with people who have opposite

views

And you are most likely to take revenge over your enemies in a long time basis. You are a spender, but you will have a good profession in the future.

If you are guy you will be very popular that everybody will have mental attraction and respect at you. You can go anywhere from the local shop to the

heart of the parliament because you are positive and well talented in numerous issues!! But in your life you will always have some people who will work

hard to bring you & your name down. This is undercover!! Coz of your smart behavior you will be hated by some people too...

Your family life is very cool, you will have a very nice partner & wonderful children... You are pioneer, independent & original...

Your best match is 4,6,8 good match is 3,5,7 !!!

NUMBER 2

No matter what, you will be loved by every one coz your ruler is the moon and every one loves the Moon. Well.. You are a person who day dream a lot,

you have very low-self confidence, you need back up for every move in your life, you are very much unpredictable. Means you do change according to

time and circumstances, kind a selfish, have a very strong sense of musical, artistic talent, verbal communication.

Your attitudes are like the Moon, comes to gloom and fade away so everybody can expect changes in you. You can be a next Mahatma Gandhi who does

peace love or you can be a Hitler who wants to destroy the man kind and peace (I mean in the community and your own home).

If you really have a deep thought about your own believe in God you can feel the difference which will make you stronger! Most of the time your words

are a kind of would be happening true! So without any knowledge you can predict the situation. You will become poets, writers, any Artistic business

people!

You are not strong in love, so you will be there and here till you get marry.. If U r a girl you will be a responsible woman in the whole family. If U r

a man you will involve in fights & arguments in the family or Vice-versa. Means you will sacrifice your life for the goodness sake of

Your family...You are gentle , intuitive with a broad vision, a power behind the scenes, well balanced People!!!

Your best match is 2 ,5 ,9 no other people can put up with you !!!

NUMBER 3

You are a person of hard hearted, selfish most of the times, religious, loves to climb up in your life. You always tend to have lots of problems within

your family in the early stages but you will put up with everything.. You have the strong word power, pretty happy face.. So wherever you go always

you have got what you wanted!!! And from the birth always wanted to work hard in order to achieve something.. You will not get anything without hard

work! When you reach a man/ woman age you want other younger once to listen to you because you want younger people to respect people older than

them. You do set so many examples to others.

Generally you are not a cool person. It's not easy thing dealing with you. A tough player you are! But once you like someone's attitude then here you

go, what can I say? It will be a lasting friendship. You always have respect from others.

Your life seems to have lots of worries and problems but sure they won't be long.. you will always have brilliant kids!!! You love the money a bit too

much so temptation will push you to endless trying and trying.. If you are a guy then it's over. Looking after your family and help friends, so you will

spend a life time just being generous and kind (except 21st born men). And number 3s you will

be such an example of how to be in the culture & life!!! If you are girl then you have good character and culture & hardworking attitude. You always

follow.

You are a freedom lover, creative, ambition

focused, a person who brings beauty , hope & joy to this world!!!

Your best match 6 ,9. Good match 1 ,3 ,5 !!!

NUMBER 4

You are very stubborn too, very hard working but unlucky in important matters in life, very cool, helpful, you have rough word power.. Might put lots

of people away from you, you may cause nuisance to others if you are a man, and you often understands others and their problems well. If you are a

girl you are very good with studies and arts. If you are a guy you spend most of the time after girl friends (almost) at times, you will have sort of too

much fun life with mates & girls. Your friends will spend your time & money and get away with their life and you will become empty handed and don't

know what to do... So be careful!! You love to spend anyway!!!

Your good will is you are always there to help family and friends. Tell you what you people are little gem! s, specially the girls.. You always fall in love

in younger age as well. You often live with disappointments, for an example you have got a degree in some thing... but you will be unemployed.. or will

do very ordinary jobs.

But you will take care of your family very well...All you need to be careful of people who will take advantage of your kind heart. And beware of your

relations too..

You are radical, patient, persistent,a bit old-fashioned, you live with foundation & order...

Your best Match 1, 8. Good match 5 ,6 , 7 !!!

NUMBER 5

You are very popular within the community, you can get things done by just chatting..to even enemies! You have a pretty good business mind, you are

often have no-idea what is today is like, or tomorrow is like, you are a person who does anything when your head thinks "lets do this". You will be

famous if you open up a business, get involve in share dealings, music etc.. Very popular with sense of humor ,you are the one your friends and families

will always ask for help, and you are the one actually get money on credit and help your friends. You will have more than 1 relationship, but when u

get settle down you will be a bit selfish anyway. Coz your other half will have a pretty good amount of control in you, be careful! You tend to go for

other relationships! Contacts even you are married at times 'coz your popularity..

You are someone who get along with anyone coz the number 5 is the middle number.. Changes & freedom lovers you are! You are an explorer with magic

on your face. You learn your life through experience and it's your best teacher!!!

Your best match 1 ,2 ,9. Good match 6 ,8 !!!

NUMBER 6

Ooopppss..you are born to enjoy.. You don't care about others. I mean you are always want to enjoy your life time, you are a person.. You will be very

good in either education or work wise or business management! You are talented, kind (but with only people who you think are nice), very beautiful girls

and guys, popular and more than lucky with anything in your lives. All the goodness does come with you. Your mind and body is just made perfect for

love.

You are lovable by any other numbers. But if you are a number 6 man, you will experience kind of looks from most girls and will involve in more than

few relationships until you get married. If you are girl, most of you will get marry/engaged early. You are a caring person towards your family &

friends . If you miss the half-way mark then you are about to suffer physically and mentally. Generally you will lead a very good inner-home happiness

with nothing short of. You are a person of compassion, comfort & fairness, domestic responsibility, good judgment, and after all you can heal this

world wounds to make peace for every life coz you have the great power of caring talent to make this world of love one step further...

Your best match 1, 6, 9. Good match 4, 5 !!!

NUMBER 7

You have got the attraction to anyone out there, you are realistic, very confident, happy, such a talented individual with your education, music, arts,

singing, and most importantly acting too. You have real problems with bad temper! If you are a girl, you are popular with the subjects listed above.

You give up things for your parents. I mean you value your family status a lot, you will be in the top rank when you reach a certain age. If you are a

guy you are popular with girls, you are a very talented too. Most of the number 7s face lots of problems with their marriage life.

Only a very few are happy. You have everything in your life, but still always number 7s have some sort of unfullfilness, such worries all their lifetime.

It's probably the Lord given you all sort of over the standard humans talents and you are about to suffer in family life. So you need to get ready

looking for a partner rather than waiting. If you don't, then you might end-up single. So take care with this issue,

ok?

You are wonderful, friendly, artistic, happy person.. You are born to contribute lots to this world!!!

Your best match is 2. Good matches are 1,4 !!!

NUMBER 8

You are a very strong personality, there's no one out there will understand you. You are very good at pointing your finger at some thing and say "this is

what".

You are more likely to suffer from the early ages. I mean poverty. If your times are not good you might lose either of your parent and end up looking

after your entire family. You often suffer all the way in life.

The problems will not allow you to study further, but you will learn the life in a very practical way. You are the one who will fight for justice and may

die in the war too. You are normally very reserved with handful of friends and most of the time live life lonely and always prepared to help others.

Well. once you get married (which is often late) then your bad lucks will go away a bit and you! u become safe. You will face un-expected problems

such as : the error, government, poisonous animals, accidents.

You are some one with great discipline, persistence, courage, strength which will take you to success. You are a great part of a family team. You are a

fighter!

Your Best match 1 ,4, 8. Good match 5 !!!

NUMBER 9

Hey...you guys are the incompatibles people in the world. You are so strong, physically and mentally... You are often have big-aims. You will work hard

and hard to get there. Normally you suffer in the early age from family problems and generally you will have fighting life.. But when you achieve what

you have done, it's always a big task you have done! You are so much respected in the community, you are a person who can make a challenge and

successfully finish the matter off.

You are very naughty in your younger age, often beaten up by your parents and involve in fights and you seemed to have lots of injuries in your life

time. But when u grow you become calm and macho type.

Love is not an easy matter for you. You are good in engineering or banking jobs coz people always trust you.

Your family life is very good, but will have worries over your children.

Your such qualities are humanitarian, patient, very wise & compassionate.

You are born to achieve targets and serve every one all equally without any prejudice.

You are totally a role model to anybody in the world for a great inspiration.

Your Best match 3, 5, 6, 9. Good match 2

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NI KITU GANI CHA KUFANYA UNAPOAMKIA KATIKA SIKU MBAYA?

Tunaamini kabisa kwamba siyo siku zote huwa zinafanana. Mara nyingine siku huanza vema na kuendelea kwa furaha amani na mafanikio hadi mwisho wa siku hiyo. 

Mara nyingine siku yako huanza vibaya na kuishia vizuri, lakini ziko siku ambazo huonekana kuanza kwa mabalaa kama vile bahati mbaya, kupoteza vitu, kuumia, au huzuni ya moyoni na wengine hutabiri muonekano wa siku nzima kuanzia kwa yale yaliyojiri asubuhi. Waswahili wamesema: “siku njema, huonekana asubuhi” maana yake, mara nyingine hata siku mbaya pia hujionyesha katika mwanzo wa siku hiyo.

Najua kuna baadhi ya imani zisizo rasmi ambazo hujaribu kulielezea suala hili. Mfano; Ukiona bundi asubuhi au ukipishana na vyoka njiani basi kuna walakini na siku yako hiyo. Wapo wengine hasa wazungu ambao husema : “ameamkia upande mbaya wa kitanda” sina uhakika kama kuna upande mbaya na mzuri wa kitanda. Nia yangu ni kujaribu kukupa namna za kitaalamu zinazoweza kukusaidia kuigeuza siku yako iliyoonekana kuanza vibaya kuwa nzuri na kupunguza pia uwezekano wa kuwepo kwa hizi siku zinazoaminiwa kuwa mbaya.

Maswali
Je, umewahi kukatishwa tamaa na kitu chochote mwanzoni mwa siku?
Je, umewahi kupoteza kitu mwanzoni mwa siku?
Je, umewahi kuumia moyo kwa kupata matarajio hewa (disappointment) mwazoni mwa siku au katika siku fulani?

Je, umeshawahi kufanya kitu fulani na baadaye ukajutia kukifanya kitu hicho?
Umeshawahi kufanya kitu na ukajihisi kushindwa au kuaibika?
Umeshawahi kudhamiria kuingia kwenye uhusinao kwa matumaini yote na mara ukaona kila kitu kina kuwa ndivyo sivyo?
Au umeshapitia matatizo fulani ya mwili, kama vile Ugonjwa, ukilema na ukaona labda ndiyo chanzo cha ugumu wa maisha yako?

Kama wewe ni mmoja wa watu hao basi karibu katika ulimwengu wa wanadamu wa kawaida, namaanisha hayo ni mambo ya kawaida kabisa kwa mtu wa kawaida. Wakati tunaposhindwa, au kujihisi tumeshindwa mara nyingi tunadhani sisi peke yetu ndiyo tu wenye hali hiyo, ukweli ni kwamba, wengi hupitia huko na yamkini katika hali ngumu zaidi. Kila mmoja wetu amewahi kushindwa katika kitu fulani. Kila mmoja wetu amewahi kujutia jambo fulani alilolifanya, kila mmoja wetu amewahi kukutana na magumu.

Mambo ya kuzingatia:
Jikubali kama mwanadamu wa kawaida na kwamba haistajabishi kushindwa
Yamkini unakata tamaa maana umezungumza na watu wanaoshinda na kufanikiwa tu, angalia upande wa pili, zungumza pia na waliowahi kushindwa.
Haijalishi ni muda gani, ni kiasi gani, ni ukubwa gani, ni uzito kiasi gani, wa magumu uliyopitia ninachojua ni kwamba inawezekana mimi na wewe kunyanyuka tena toka kushindwa kwetu, ndoto zetu zaweza kuwa kweli tena. Hii inategemea na kiasi cha uvumilivu wako.

Tatizo siyo kushindwa. Kushindwa kwa ukweli ni kule kushidwa kunyanyuka tena mara baada ya kushindwa mara ya kwanza
Angalia mchezo wa ngumi, haijalishi mtu anapigwa na kuanguka mara nyingi kiasi gani, lakini pale anaposhindwa kunyanyuka ndiyo refa hutangaza “KNOCK OUT” yaani ameshindwa kabisa.

Ili kuweza kunyanyuka tena;
Jikubali kama mwanadamu wa kawaida tambua kushindwa kupo na ni moja ya matukio ya maisha yetu.
Unapoanguka chini, jitahidi usibaki chini. (Tofautisha kuanguka kwa mtoto na mtu mzima) fahamu kushindwa kwa kweli ni kule kushindwa kunyanyuka mara baada ya kuanguka.

Jifunze, pata shule kupitia mapito na magumu unayoyapitia, tatizo pia siyo kufeli, bali ni kufeli kujifunza katika kule kufeli. Kufanye kushindwa kwako kuwe kama mawe ya kukanyagia katika kuvukia kwenda upande wa pili.

Tutakushangaa, ukiangushwa na jambo lile lile linalokuangusha mara zote.
Jifunze kutumainia katika imani uliyonayo. Imani ni injini isiyoshindwa. katika suala zima la kushindwa na kuweza. Imani huwa poozeo kwa maumivu tunayoyapitia.

Jitahidi, vuta zaidi, kazana, amini kuwa kitu chema chaweza kutoka katika mikono yako, midomo yako, moyo wako au hata mawazo yako.

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JINSI YA KUISHI NA WATU WENYE TABIA NGUMU

Ni ngumu na kamwe siyo rahisi kumbadilisha mtu mwenye tabia ngumu awe rafiki. Badiliko hili lawezekana ikiwa mhusika (mwenye tabia ngumu) atadhamiria na kuwatayari kushughulika ili kubadilika.

Kwa hiyo kama ni ngumu au haiwezekani kumbadilisha basi jaribu kubadili mtazamo wako na jinsi unavyoishi naye au nao, kwasababu mara nyingi wewe ndiye unaye kwazika au kuumizwa wakati yeye (yule anayekuudhi) anafanikiwa na anaendelea na furaha yake tu.

Mawasiliano baina yetu na watu wengine yanajumuisha jinsi tunavyowafanyia wengine na jinsi wao wanavyotufanyia sisi (reaction and counter reaction). Kwa kubadili jinsi sisi tunavyowatendea wengine inaweza kubadili jinsi wao wanavyotutendea sisi. Hata kama ni kwa muda au kitambo kidogo tu. Hata kama hali hii haibadili hali kwa kudumu ila inaweza kurahisisha mazingira ya kuishi na mtu au watu wenye tabia ngumu.

Kila wakati lazima uwe na akili sana katika kuishi na watu wenye tabia ngumu, kama hutoweza kujizuia, na ukaanza kuwabwatukia basi itakuwa unaleta tatizo hasa pale ambapo mwenye tabia hii ngumu ni bosi wako. Je, utaropoka au kutukana kama ulivyozoea?

Hata kama mtu au watu wenyetabia hii wako ndani ya familia na yamkini ni wadogo kwako kiumri, bado kuropoka na kuwapayukia siyo suluhisho, hali hii yaweza kukugharimu.

Najua kila mmoja wetu anajinsi anavyofanya kwa mtu au watu wenye tabia ngumu. Wote hatuna namna moja, mmoja anaweza kuwa ni mkimya na mwenye ujasiri hata anapoudhiwa, mwingine hupayuka na kumjibu yule anaye muudhi, mwingine anaamua kulia tu anapoudhiwa, wako wanaozira na kuamua kutozungumza tena na aliyewaudhi, wapo ambao husambaza habari mbaya kuhusu huyo mwenye maudhi, wako ambao huamua kumwambia uso kwa uso jinsi walivyo kwazika, sijui staili yako ni ipi.

Ni rahisi sana kuumizwa au kuudhiwa na maneno au matendo ya mwingine, na mara mtu huyo anapojua kuwa unaumia yeye hupata nguvu, hii huwa ndiyo silaha yake muhimu pale mnapopambana.

Unachotakiwa kufanya ni kuwaachia wakati wote wao wawe washindi, kamwe usitafute kushindana nao, utaumia mwenyewe. Njia pekee ni kujitahidi kuwa mjanja na mwenye akili kuliko yeye na pia kuwa na ushawishi katika yale wanayotaka kuyatenda hata pasipo wao kugundua.

Je, unawajibu vipi watu hawa (How do you react?)

Ni jambo jema kuanza kujitazama jinsi unavyowatendea wengine na jinsi tunavyoshughulika na wale wanaotukwaza. Kumbuka kuwa jinsi unavyoikabili hali hiyo katika mazingira fulani inawezekana isiwe hivyo katika mazingira mengine.

Watu wenye tabia ngumu na zinazotatiza mara nyingi huweka mitego ya maneno au matendo na kwa kiasi kikubwa unaweza kunaswa na kuwaruhusu wakuchezee jinsi watakavyo, na kati ya vitu wanavyo vipenda na kuvitamani ni kukuona unalia na kuumia na kuchanganyikiwa. Kwahiyo fikiri kwanza kabla hujafanya chochote mbele yao.

Watu watabia hii mara zote huwachukulia na kuwatendea watu wote sawa kwa hiyo usifikiri kila alichosema au alichofanya kwako ni cha kibinafsi sana na alikikusudia kwako. Angeweza kufanya au kusema hivyo hivyo hata kwa mwingine aliye karibu naye wakati ule. Kwa kufahamu hili itakusaidia kupunguza maumivu yanayoletwa na hisia zako kwake.

Hembu jiulize ni jinsi gani umewahi kukabiliana na mtu au watu wa jinsi hii, na je ilikuwa ni kwa jinsi ya kuumiza au kuelemisha? Fahamu kwamba kujibu kwa kupayuka, kutukana au kubishana haisaidii, bali kunakushusha chini ya miguu ya yule aliye kusababishia maumivu hayo, na sasa atakuwa anafurahia na kukuona wewe mjinga.

Ni chaguo lako, la ni jinsi gani utakabiliana na mtu au watu wa aina hii, ingawa unaweza kuchagua njia bora itakayoweza kukusaidia kukuimarisha na kupunguza udhaifu wako, zaidi ya kuamua kuchagua njia ambayo itakuacha umeumia, umechoka, umekatishwa tamaa na umejeruhika moyo.

Hii haimaanishi uwe mtu wa kusema ndiyo tu kwa kila kitu na kila mtu, na haimaanishi kuwa hutakiwi kukasirika HAPANA, hasira ni asili na haina tatizo lolote hapa, ila tu matokeo ya hasira hiyo ndiyo yanayoweza kuleta shida. Je ni jinsi gani unakabiliana na hasira yako na unaionyeshaje? Kwa fujo, kupayuka kubishana, kulia, kuvunja vitu, kunyamaza n.k.

Ili Kujua jinsi watu wenye tabia ngumu wanavyokuathiri. Jiulize maswali yafuatayo:

Je, ni unataka kutawaliwa na wengine?

Najua jibu ni kwamba hakuna nayetaka kutawaliwa na mwingine, na ndiyo maana unaweza kujikuta unabishana au kushindana na huyo anaye kukwaza.

Tatizo ni kwamba mwisho wewe ndiyo unaumia na yeye anabaki kufurahia kwa kukushinda mfano; tazama fujo za madereva barabarani hususan wale wa daladala.

Nikweli unahasira naye, lakini je hiyo ni njia muafaka ya kumkabili? kumbuka mwishoni atakayeumia ni wewe.

Fikiri kama unatatizo la shinikizo la damu kama utakubali kuyumbishwa kihisia na tabia mbovu za mwingine wewe ndiyo utabaki unaumia na siyo tu kama hutoweza kufanya vile moyo wako utakavyo bali pia utaachwa ukijihisi kuchoka, kuumizwa kwa hisia zako mwenyewe na kukatishwa tamaa na tabia yako wewe mwenyewe.

Nini Mwitikio wako pale unapoudhiwa? (Haswa na yule mwenye hasira na wewe)

Je, unalipa hasira kwa hasira?

Je, unajitetea na kuukimbia ukweli (being defensive)

Au unajificha kutoroka au kumkwepa?

Njia zote hizi hapa juu siyo nzuri.

Hata kama una haki ya kukasirika, lakini bado atakayeumia unabaki kuwa ni wewe. Na siyo tu utaumizwa na kukasirishwa kwa tabia yake mwenye kukuudhi bali utaumizwa moyoni mwako kwa vile wewe ulivyotenda, dhamiri itakushtaki zaidi (guilty conscious).

Je, unajizumgumziaje wewe mwenyewe, vibaya au vyema?

Mfano: Ukweli mimi najichukia haswa ninapofikia kipindi cha mitihani au usaili.

Hivi mimi nikoje?

Hivi kwa nini nimeumbwa hivi?

Kamwe mimi siwezi kufanya lolote jema!

Wakati wote mimi ni mtu wa bahati mbaya tu!

Wala huhitaji kujichukia unapofikia wakati wa mitihani au usaili, unachohitaji kufanya ni kujiandaa mwenyewe vizuri na kuwahi mapema katika eneo la tukio.

Hisia potofu na zisizojenga ambazo tunajiwazia wenyewe mara nyingi hutupotezea muda na mara tunapoziruhusu hutuharibia siku yetu nzima.

Unafanya nini unapopingwa? (what do you do when you are criticized)

Wako watu wanaopendelea kupinga wengine katika kila kitu, hata katika vile visivyostahili kupingwa,hakuna chochote chema kinachoweza kusemwa na yeyote, bali yeye peke yake. Hata kama kilichosemwa kina ukweli kwa asilimia kubwa basi mtu huyu atajitahidi walau kurekebisha hata lugha tu, ili mradi kisipite hivihivi bila yeye kukipinga japo kidogo (hawa ndiyo wale wenye tabia ngumu).

Hali hii huwapa kufurahi na kujijengea nguvu kwa jinsi wanavyopinga wengine.

Ni kweli upinzani mwingine ni wa ukweli na unajenga lakini hapa nakazia wale wanaopinga ili tu kujifurahisha nafsi zao na kuwafanya wale wanaowapinga waumie mioyo.

Je, unapopigwa, unajibuje? Je, unajitetea au unajishusha na kukubali kila kinachopingwa kwa kuamini kwamba anayekupinga yuko sawa na kwa hiyo unayameza maoni yako yote, bila kuchambua kwa kina mapingamizi hayo.

Kuna jinsi ambavyo unaweza kumkabili au kumjibu anayekupinga na ikawa kama umeweka petroli kwenye moto, upinzani utawaka na hata kuleta ugomvi, lakini pia iko njia ambayo unaweza kumjibu mtu huyu na ukanyamazisha fukuto lote.

Je, una mtazamo hasi (mtazamo usiofaa) na wa kudumu katika kitu fulani?

Mfano; Labda unasema “Mambo yangu hayaendelei tangu nihamie katika nyumba hii, au mambo yangu yanakwama tangu nimuoe au niolewe na huyu, ni matatizo tu tangu tuoane, watoto hawa hasara tupu.” n.k.

Mtazamo huu hasi, waweza kukugharimu siyo tu kukunyima raha bali pia waweza kuharibu hisia zako na za wengine pia.

Ukijikuta katika hali hii ni vyema kujifahamu na kujitahidi kuelewa nini tatizo husika na jitahidi kubadilisha mtazamo wako.

Tafuta vile vitu ambavyo unaweza kuvitazama katika mtazamo chanya hata kama ni vidogo. Tafuta kuviongelea vile unavyovipenda zaidi ya vile usivyovipenda.

Je, unazimeza hisia zako zote, nzuri na mbaya?

Je, unaona ni ngumu sana kusema “nakupenda” “umependeza” “umeniudhi” n.k. labda unaweza kusema neno moja tu na siyo lingine. Wengi wetu tumekuzwa katika mazingira ambayo tunahofu kusema chochote ili tu tusije tukamkwaza mtu, hata kama tunaumizwa au tunajisikia vyema kusema kitu fulani, lakini tunajizuia.

Badala yake tunakwenda kusemea pembeni. Yamkini kunyamaza kunaweza kuwa na faida katika baadhi ya mazingira lakini siyo hata katika kukubali vitu visivyofaa. Hakuna ubaya wowote katika kuelezea jinsi unavyojisikia moyoni mwako ili mradi tu unaeleza kila unachokihisi kwa hali njema na siyo kwa hasira au shari. Katika hali hii kamwe hutowapoteza marafiki zako, na kama kuna yeyote aliye rafiki atasumbuliwa na hili basi usihofu, kubali tu kumpoteza kwa kuwa hakuwa wa muhimu au wa msaada sana kwako.

Hali ya kujifanya hujaumia au hujakwazika na wakati umekwazika na unalia ndani kwa ndani inaumiza na kufanya ujisikie vibaya sana. Inakufanya uzidishe mazingira ya msongo wa mawazo (stress) hasa pale unapojiwazia wewe mwenyewe zaidi ya kushughulika na wale waliokuudhi. Mtazamo wako jinsi unavyojiona wewe mwenyewe huathirika sana, na pia waweza kujisababishia tatizo hasa pale wale wenye tabia ngumu watakapo kugundua kuwa huwezi kusema chochote hata ukiumizwa na hii itawafanya wakugeuze mpira wa kuchezea.

Je, wewe ni kati ya wale wanaojiamini kusema chochote wanachokifikiri bila kujali matokeo yake?

Hebu fikiria jinsi unavyojisikia pale ambapo mtu au watu wengine wangefanya hivyo hivyo kwako. Je, unataka kuwasababishia wengine maumivu ya moyoni? Kusema chochote kinachoshuka toka kichwani mwako kupitia kinywani mwako bila kufikiri juu ya matokeo au athari zake kwa wale wanaokusiliza au waliokuzunguka kunaweza kukupotezea marafiki na kuishusha hadhi yako kwa urahisi sana.

Mara nyingi mtu wa jinsi hii huweza kujikuta akiwa pweke na anayepingana na ulimwengu (kila mtu anamchukia). Hii ni kati ya hisia za kuhuzunisha na kuumiza sana muda wote, lakini pia huumiza zaidi pale unapogundua kuwa ni maumivu uliyojitakia mwenyewe. Peke yako unajikuta umetengwa na mtego wa kihisia na kukuzamisha usipoweza kujikwamua tena.

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KUKABILIANA NA MSONGO WA MAWAZO NA NAMNA YA KUEPUKANA NA (STRESS)

Msongo wa mawazo unaweza kukufanya ushindwe kufanya shughuli zako za kila siku kwa ufanisi. Jambo la kufurahisha ni kuwa msongo wa mawazi unaepukika, leo nimechambua baadhi ya mambo ambayo yanaweza kukuwezesha kuepuka kupata msongo wa mawazo.

1. Usiweke Malengo ambayo Hayafikiki
Kila mtu ana uwezo na vipawa vyake tofauti na mtu mwingine, unapoweka malengo yako hakikisha unazingatia uwezo, vipawa na muda ulionao ili kuweza kuyafanikisha. Usiweke malengo sababu watu wengine wameweka hayo,au ukaweka muda kiasi fulani sababu watu wote wameweka hivyo, daima zingatia uwezo wako ili malengo yako yaweze kufanikiwa na kuepuka kupata ‘stress’.

2. Jifunze Kukubali Changamoto
Katika maisha huwa tunakutana na mambo ambayo hatukutaka kukutana nayo na pia tunashindwa kupata yale tuliyoyataka, karibu kila mtu huwa anapitia hali hii kwa namna moja au nyingine. Jifunze kukabili changamoto na sio kusikitika kwa nini mambo hayajawa kama ulivyotaka na kubaki ukisononeka. Jaribu kukubali mambo kwa busara zaidi, na utulivu huku ukitafakari nini cha kufanya ili kulipata lile ulilo kusudia. Changamoto iwe ni chachu ya wewe kuzidi kukazana na kujaribu zaidi.

3. Fanya Maamuzi Pale Unapopaswa
Kutokufanya maamuzi katika muda sahihi hyleta wasiwasi hofu na msongo wa mawazo. Uwe na ujasiri wa kuamua mara baada ya kutafakari pande zote kwa makini na kuona faida na hasara za kila upande. Usihofu sana juu ya kuweza kufanya makosa hadi ukaishia kupata msongo wa mawazo, mara nyingine watu hujifunza kutokana na makosa.

4. Kuwa na Mipango
Hili nimeshaliongelea sana, angalia hapa . Kutokuwa na mipango ni sababu moja kubwa sana inayoweza kukuletea msongo wa mawazo.


5. Usiweke Jambo Linalokusumbua Moyoni
Pale unapokutana na jambo ambalo umeshindwa kulitatua ni vyema ukamshirikisha mzazi wako au mlezi, rafiki wa karibu, mume au hata mshauri. Jifunze kutokuweka mambo yanayokuumiza moyoni maana katika hali hiyo ni rahisi sana kupata msongo wa mawazo. Uwe na tabia ya kupeleka wasiwasi na hofu zako zote mbele za Mungu kwa maombi na pia kuongea na mtu ambaye unajua atakuwa msaada kwako.
6. Jali Mwili Wako
mara nyingi tunakuwa na shughuli nyingi kiasi cha kuusahau mwili na kuuchukulia tu kwa juu juu. Ni muhimu sana mwili wako uwe katika hali nzuri na afya bora ili uweze kufanya kazi zako vizuri na kwa wepesi. Hakikisha unakula chakula chenye virutubisho bora na pia unakunywa maji ya kutosha. Fanya mazoezi ya viungo mara kwa mara na pata muda wa kutosha wa kupumzika kila siku.
Mungu akubariki sana.

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Traditional Birthstones

Historical and Modern Listing of Birthstones
	While there are many historical lists of birthstones, the following table provides the two most common list. The center column give the historical list based on the Bible. The second is the more familiar, and currently used list. It was formalized in 1952. by the US Jewelry  Industry Council. It is not based on thenatural cycle of life on this planet, It is somewhat based on tradition, but only loosely.In 1912, in an effort to standardize birthstones, the  (American) National Association of Jewelers met in Kansas and officially adopted a list.[2] The Jewelry Industry Council of America updated the list in 1952 by adding alexandrite to  June and citrine to November; specifying pink tourmaline for October; replacing December's lapis with zircon; and switching the primary/alternate gems in March. The most recent  change occurred in October 2002, with the addition of tanzanite as a December birthstone.Britain's National Association of Goldsmiths created their own standardized list of birthstones in 1937.[5] Month Historical Current JANUARY Jacinth Garnet FEBRUARY Amethyst Amethyst MARCH Jasper Aquamarine or Bloodstone APRIL Sapphire Diamond MAY Chalcedony Emerald JUNE Emerald Pearl, or Moonstone JULY Sardonyx Ruby AUGUST Sardius Peridot or Sardonyx SEPTEMBER Chrysolite Sapphire OCTOBER Beryl Opal, Tourmaline NOVEMBER Topaz Topaz, Citrine DECEMBER Chrysophrasus Turquoise, Tanzanite

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